Apr 7, 2011

At Least They're Modest...

Just so you know, if you Google "preteen dress sewing pattern" all you get is a bunch of sites hawking "modest" (read: ugly) vintage patterns favoured by FLDS members. Seriously, I found 10 sites with titles like "Kathy's Modest Sewing Patterns Page" and "Modest Clothing! Sew your own modest dresses, women's clothing." (Exclamation mark theirs).

Why Google "preteen dress sewing pattern"? I've signed on to sew two flower girl dresses for a wedding in the fall — one for my almost-three-year-old and another for a preteen who will actually be more of a junior bridesmaid. So tonight I've been searching the far reaches of the Internet for every preteen dress sewing pattern out there. There aren't many. But the good news is there is a truck-load of wackadoodle patterns out there and I dragged them all onto my desktop for you.

Take Neue Mode, for example. I'd never heard of the European pattern-maker, but apparently the company has a corner on the racially insensitive costuming market. I'm pretty sure little Madison would get sent home from school for dressing up like a .....what? Don't make me say it, Neue Mode. OK: A Chinaman. Or an Oriental. The yellow shirt? Overkill.
Or you could offend someone a little closer to home:
 And all it takes to turn Priest Chic into Kasbah Kool is some sandals, Raybans and a Kirpan in your belt.
Though it could be worse. Your kid could inadvertantly dress up like a key-karrying Klansman:

Or a "back massager." That's what this little fella on the left looks like to me. What do you think?

No, seriously. What the hell is that thing?


  1. So, per the last little man...did you ever see the sex and the city when Carrie is shopping in the Sharper Image? And all the ladies in the shop are gathered around the "back massagers"? I will say no more except I can only imagine what the other patterns in this line would be, and how illegal it would be in concept alone.

  2. That's exactly what I was thinking!

  3. He's a SPACE MAN!



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