Make it: Chiffon Flower Corsage!

It's yet another snow day here in NYC, with schools, bus and subway service suspended. Libraries are all closed. Many museums are too. The streets and sidewalks are a mess. So what to do with a toddler who hates playing in the snow? I wish she were movie-marathon age, or read-Harry-Potter-while-mommy-sews age. But instead she's needs-to-be-entertained-at-every-second-of-the-day age. I love winter in New York because it's not sweltering hot and I don't have allergies. But when the snow is this frequent and heavy, we're going really stir-crazy. 

If you're stuck inside today like we are, maybe you should make something. Like this springy chiffon flower brooch in a peachy orange, which if the Golden Globes were any indication, is going to be a hot colour this spring.

I started making these flowers because I thought they'd look pretty grouped on the sashes of the flower girl dresses I'm making for a wedding in the fall. The colours are green and orange, which clearly look beautiful together when done in the right shades (see left)

It will take you only about 20 minutes to make one of these.

These aren't sacred undergarments, they're Spanx! Really

My husband in his sacred undergarments on the set of Law & Order: SVU.
(Just kidding: that's an old undershirt!)

There are these people in my building who I am convinced don't like us because they think we are Mormon.

This would sound totally absurd to anyone who knows me, but if you are a white lady pushing a stroller down the street in our corner of a not-very-diverse NYC neighborhood made up mostly of Dominicans, chances are you're a Latter Day Saint. Oh, and my kid is blond. Damn, are we Mormon?

Anyway, it really gets me because these people who don't like us seem cool and smart and totally like people we would usually get along with. It's not like they're rude, but when I say hi to this woman, she says hi back and then always looks just a little disgusted with herself.

But short of inviting this couple to a coffee-fueled orgy at our place I can't really think of a good way to convince them otherwise. Also, I never see them in the laundry room, which is too bad because then they would see that I'm NOT washing load after load of temple garments. (Also of interest: apparently attending temple is a little like a P. Diddy party; everyone wears white on white! It's a little creepy though. The online stores that sell Mormon temple duds have names like White Elegance and Dressed in White. But just try to find some Mormon undergarments online. I've been searching for 20 minutes and I can't find any)

Anyway, I told my husband that I thought these hip neighbors didn't like us because they think we're Mormons, and he said: "No way, we're not good-looking enough." And he's right! We walk by their church on Sunday morning on the way to brunch or the playground or whatever, and it looks like a casting call for The Bachelor. Everyone going into that place is at least a 7. In fact, my husband said, he would be super flattered if someone thought he was a Mormon. It would be a compliment, he reasoned, because they're so hot (and not in the literal my-sacred-undergarments-are-giving-me-hot-flashes kind of way).

AND THEN: Last week a friend of a friend mistook my husband for a Mormon. The reasons being geography (our apartment's proximity to the church), whiteness and the fact my husband refers to himself as an "elder." OK, joking about that last one.

My husband was pretty horrified, having grown up in an equally evangelical church where speaking in tongues was totally the norm but the Mormon church was seen as a cult. What can I say? He's from the midwest. I'm Canadian. We're wholesome looking. Oh, and I love to sew and shit, and I blog about it, which apparently Mormon housewives do too, as explained in this Salon.com column on one feminist's obsession with crafty Mormon moms' design blogs. (Thanks to my friend Danielle for pointing that out).

OK, to recap: blond kid, a husband who wears white undershirts every day (see photo), and I wish my blog were as cute and popular as the Mormon moms' blogs. We may as well convert. And the first people I am inviting to our sneaky Sunday post-church meet-and-greet are the artists upstairs.

Make it: Ruffles!

 You know how on amazing design blogs people post these incredibly well-lit pictures of little corners in their home where everything looks fresh out of an Anthopologie window display and you think to yourself: "Dude, my apartment looks like crap. Why am I reading this when I could be cleaning?" But then you click anyway....that's called procrastination.

My home doesn't look like that. It looks like this (see left). Piles of toys and in the far left corner the foot of a child who is screaming at me, "Mama, I need a tissue!!" Thus, my is-it-over-yet face.

Anyway, this isn't about how messy my apartment is, though as I type it is getting messier by the moment. It's about ruffles!

Why I love freecycle (Hint: it's not the free stuff)

This is not the actual free cake

I love freecycle for two reasons:
1) to clean your closets and your conscience at the same time by handing off that which you don't need to someone who will use it, keeping those items out of the landfill for a little longer. How it works: when you have something you want to get rid of, you post it and your location so 20 people can reply that they want it, and then 19 of them don't show up when they say they will. Eventually, you get rid of that thing you no longer need.

2) to see all the weird things that New York wackjobs think others may actually spend the $2.50 on a subway ride to pick up. It's a like a little window into a world of crazy.

For example, this:

OFFER: 3/4 flourless cake (Chelsea) From: kamtress17

A partially eaten cake? You think someone is going to come to your apartment to pick up a Trader Joe's cake that's missing a couple slices? Wait, this sounds familiar....oh yes:

OFFER: 1/2 chocolate bar (Chelsea) From: kamtress17

It's the same person!! Someone should intervene because kamtress17 totally has a problem. She impulse buys junkfood and then tries to give it away after she's had her share. Don't ask freecycle to do what any good roommate could!

Also, someone should tell her there are some things you just shouldn't get from strangers. See also:

Wanted: Bris Pillow (UWS) From: stanvin22

I'm not Jewish, but I've lived in New York long enough to know you should buy your kid his own damn Bris pillow.

Moving on, I also love looking at the hopeful WANTED postings. Some requests are very reasonable:

WANTED: bridal/wedding magazines From: silygoosp

Others are kind of spooky:

WANTED: Matches/Lighters: U.E.S.

(I don't know about you, but I would feel really bad when some nine-year-old arsonist shows up at my door to collect his free matches.)

But there are a lot of people in this city who apparently believe if they just tell everyone they really want a laptop, someone will send them one. Good luck with that. See also:

WANTED: ELLIPTICAL MACHINE OR TREADMILL-11209 From: dny_bklyn

WANTED: Mini DV VIDEO CAMERA (ANYWHERE) From: Marie

WANTED: Serger From: PEACH

Wanted: Size 6 Dress Form From: PEACH

Keep dreaming. Maybe you could settle for something more realistic, like:

OFFER: Yankees Knapsack filled with older issues of ESPN magazine - S From: trooblue2u

Offer: About 40 Empty CD Cases (Upper West Side)

or 

OFFER: Script of the Cosby Show (East Village)

And finally here is my favourite. These five freebies were all posted within minutes of each other by the same person :

Offer:  Leopard Jacket in size XL/1x ( Manhattan-10018) From: smartisneverinnocent

Offer:  Books of Spirituality and New Age Philosophy ( Manhattan - 1 From: smartisneverinnocent

Offer: LIKE NEW / Thigh high black boots in ladies  7.5  ( 10018 Man From: smartisneverinnocent

Offer: 2 bottles of Hair Remover ( unopened) ( Manhattan - 10018) From: smartisneverinnocent

Offer: Cordless HP mouse in Green ( unopened box) ( Manhattan - 1001 From: smartisneverinnocent

My best guess is smartisneverinnocent was put out of business when Craigslist pulled its adult listings last year. Anyone care to hazard an explanation? Remember, the thigh-high boots are LIKE NEW and the hair remover is unopened.

Help! Fabric suggestions, please

So we're going to a couple weddings this year — both of them in the midwest and both in my husband's family. Our daughter is going to be a flowergirl in both (though I have my doubts she will actually walk down any aisle, no matter how many lollipops and jellybeans she is promised. But that is for another day. This is about dresses).

I was thinking of what I could make for a spring wedding in Wisconsin. Wedding #1 is not far off — April 2. Wedding #2 isn't until the fall. Anyway, I think I have the design nailed down, but I need some help choosing fabrics. If you have any suggestions (with links!), please comment. No one ever comments here, though I can see how many pageviews I get. I know someone is reading this somewhere.

Anyway, I'm thinking the bodice of this dress (the Coffee Date Dress from Burdastyle.com):

 

On top of the fuller skirt below here (the Linda Skirt — also from Burdastyle.com)

I want to make the bodice in a bright print, maybe with a little retro appeal, and the skirt in a solid neutral, and then finish it with a nice wide sash in a colour that contrasts the print. Oh, and maybe a few layers of tulle (the same colour as the sash) peeking out underneath the skirt for fullness.

I already wasted 40 minutes of my daughter's precious naptime searching online fabric stores, and still can't decide. I thought I'd try outsourcing this. Suggestions?