Jul 18, 2011

I wish I could say this was an ironic gift

It's a good thing my mom doesn't have the Internet. Or a computer. Because otherwise I might feel bad about sharing this book she sent my daughter for her third birthday this week.

Little Mommy was written in 1967, and it depicts a simpler time, when little girls knew their place and could happily play out their maternal fantasies without fear of judgment from their bitch feminist friends (like me).

 Aw, isn't that sweet? A little girl playing with her dolls. Just delightful. This is probably as far as my mom read before buying this book. I am generously giving her that benefit of the doubt because I would hate to think she read the whole thing and still thought it appropriate for my 21st Century girl.

 Wait, what? Is this book set in Westchester? And does daddy work in advertising? I guess Baby Betty Draper does look pretty happy...

 Doing the dolls' hair sounds OK, but playing at wiping fingerprints off the door? What kind of weirdo OCD kid plays at cleaning a door? I don't even do that and I AM a mom with several doors in need of a good wipedown. I think Little Mommy's mommy needs to make an appointment with one of those head-shrinkers she's been hearing about.

 It's all so idyllic...but I've seen Mad Men. I know the only people who had it better in the 1960s were alcoholics and rapists and she's absolutely seething with resentment. There's probably a cocktail spiked with downers hidden in that laundry basket. Oh, here's comes Billy/Daddy, home for dinner. Is that lipstick on his collar? His secretary is such a slut. But if she says anything, he'll slap her again and Little Mommy is out of pancake makeup.
I hope Little Mommy has a Little Something on the side because I bet that asshole Billy doesn't appreciate at all how hard she worked to wipe his scummy fingerprints off her damn door.


  1. I want to know if "Billy" is the boy's real name. I hear he also answers to Dick Whitman. I don't think when he heads off in his car he is always going where he says he is. Sometimes he is probably headed to California where he gets high with wealthy gypsy people.

    I want this to be a reality show. It would be a toddler age Mad Men. Or maybe "Real Toddler Wives of Westchester" or something.

  2. "Is that lipstick on his collar? His secretary is such a slut. But if she says anything, he'll slap her again and Little Mommy is out of pancake makeup."

    you are all kinds of awesome. i laughed. and laughed. and maybe cried a little.

  3. Haha, this made me laugh today, thanks for that. A bit belatedly, but oh well.
    Even though it is rather depressing in a way, too, but I'll ignore that for a bit ;)

  4. A grandmother being demonized for trying to help the girl grow to be a happy woman. What is wrong with being a full time mother?



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