Jan 29, 2013

Sewing For Stress Relief?

I'm relying on the Pussy Bow Blouse to help me cope with some stress this week. Because, I find, obsessing over fit issues and fussy fabric that just wants to go off-grain helps me stave off the panicky feelings creeping in as I get ever closer to Friday.

Here's the fabric: a cream silk chiffon printed with purplish-brown birds
I also keep trying to tell myself that no matter how bad Friday is, it will be a cakewalk compared to getting punched in the face by a crackhead in front of your preschool-aged daughter.

Because Friday I am finally having the minor plastic surgery needed to fix the small deformity left behind by getting punched by in the face by a crackhead in front of my preschool-aged daughter.

And I am nervous. Very nervous. Surgery always carries the risk of infection, and this one also has a chance of not improving my chin at all (or maybe my surgeon just said that to lower my expectations?).  I am also conflicted about undergoing a cosmetic procedure. I talked myself out of it at least 100 times in the past year (including 10 times today), convincing myself for a moment each time that the small deformity on my chin is somehow something to be proud of (I took a punch!) — or that I was vain for wanting to erase it (love thyself as thou art!). A couple of people have told me it's badass (I took a punch, after all!), and my husband claims to not even notice it.

But then I look in the mirror, and my gaze is immediately drawn to my chin, where my scar is so thick it casts a shadow beneath it (actually, my surgeon informed me, it's not even a true scar: the guy punched me in the mouth so hard, my teeth cut clean through my chin under my bottom lip. As it healed, there was not enough tissue structure to keep the top half of my chin from slumping slightly over the bottom half, hence the shadow). No amount of makeup can make it look better — unless I were to apply it with a spackle knife, perhaps.

I'm also conflicted because I have a daughter. She's only four, so we're not at the point yet where I have to work with her against our culture's unreasonable standards of beauty to maintain a healthy self-esteem. She's young enough that she's still enamored with her own reflection, and the only body modification she would ever imagine wanting is wings. At this point it seems best to lead by example: I don't put down my own figure or face in front of her. We talk about exercising for strength and eating well for our health. I would never even muse about making improvements to my self with surgery.

It took me months just to call the surgeon recommended to me by a friend of a friend. And then while I sat in the waiting room for the consultation, I considered leaving. Even now, as I write this, I am contemplating not going through with it. Is it really worth all the trouble? I could still cancel. My husband doesn't even notice it.

Searching for photos to illustrate this post, I'm anxious again. It's so small; in some photos, you can barely tell. If I posted a close-up pic, you would probably tell me, "It's no big deal" (which is not what I want to hear right now, by the way, so I decided against posting any pics). So what is my problem? Maybe I need therapy instead. Or regular massages. I can't afford those, however, so I'll keep working on this blouse. 

Accommodating my wide hips: A slash-and-spread alteration to the Pussy Bow Blouse pattern
Looking in the mirror, I feel entirely justified. You really have to see it in 3D to appreciate it; the scar sticks out so far. And I feel like there's more to it than just the scar. My face looks different since the attack. I look like I'm holding all my anxiety in my jaw, where I was punched. I don't know if getting the scar fixed will help release the physical memory of violence that has me subconsciously steeling my jaw at all times, even in a smile. I'm hoping if I spend less time looking at it, I will be less worried about something so terrible happening again, and maybe I can relax.

Anyway, I liked my face just fine as it was. I never asked for this. I didn't deserve to get punched in the face (nobody does). Why should I have to live with it, no matter how small? 

My blood pressure spikes every time I think about it. They better give me some good downers or I may just jump off the chair. I've considered asking friends for spare anxiety meds. I hope I can make it through the week without freaking out completely. Yesterday I sewed a collar to cope. Today I'll work on the sleeves if I get anxious:



At the rate I am going, I should have this blouse sewn by the big day. (But I think I'll save modeling it until after the bandage comes off!).

Has sewing ever helped you get through a stressful time? Or do you end up mangling a project out of distraction?

32 comments:

  1. I'll be sending healing vibes your way. Take care.

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  2. Every time you start stressing, just say "pussy bow blouse" ten times fast. Then sew some more. Hope everything goes swimmingly on Friday!

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    1. Ha! If anything, that will make me laugh, which is always the best stress relief!

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  3. I say treat yourself as you would your own best friend. You'd probably say to your friend, "I love you just as you are but treat yourself to the surgery, if only to help heal from what happened to you."

    Good luck with the surgery (and the blouse).



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  4. Awww, Sue! Massive electronic hugs heading your way. You are strong and beautiful, a great mom, and an awesome human being. Scar, surgery, whatever you choose - do it for you, and know that you'll be your excellent self no matter what. (As for me, I bake during times of stress, and it does help... or maybe it's that the products of baking calm me down... I don't know, but that's all I've got.)

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    1. I've been off sugar (and lost 10 pounds!), but I'm planning to treat myself with a fancy baked good Friday as soon as the freezing wears off enough to eat. I bet your treats would do the trick!

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  5. Honestly I don't think I would have noticed it had you not posted your experience. However, if you think it will ease some of your anxiety in the long run then I think you should do it. Life is stressful enough as it is. I can understand not wanting to see a reminder every time you look in the mirror.

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  6. Suzanne, wow, what a crazy week ahead of you. Good luck with all of it. And I am glad that you have some amazing fabric and a great pattern to distract you a bit. Its sure to be stunning. I can certainly understand redirecting my stress towards sewing. In fact, I am having a baby any day and all I want to do is sew.

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  7. i absolutely use sewing as a stress coping mechanism! it takes my mind off things i have no control over, it's a distraction, it focuses my energy into something positive. plus, who doesn't feel good after accomplishing a complicated sewing task? as far as the surgery, if you think about it every time you look in the mirror, and wish you could change the scar, it's probably the right thing for you. there's no sense in having something that you can change hold you back. that said, if you chicken out, we won't judge!

    good luck, hope all goes well! :)

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  8. Sewing is great stress reliever, so much better than thinking too much or staring at computers all day!

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  9. I am totally thinking about you and your family and will keep you in mind on Friday! I absolutely sew as a stress reliever, as a way to keep my mind from wandering to topics I'm worried or sad about. It does work for me, since you should pay attention lest you sew over your finger or something.

    I can't wait to see the finished blouse, it will look great!

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  10. oh my god suzanne. this just all around sucks to have to go through. suckety, suck, sucks.

    and yes, i agree, sewing is a great stress reliever.

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  11. I know how you feel. I nearly got up and left when they were prepping me for my knee replacement. Surgery is terrifying. I wish you good luck and the results you're hoping for.

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  12. Good for you. I hope the surgery does away with the scar for you, and makes you feel better when you look in the mirror.

    I had a mole on my chin when I was a kid. It wasn't that bad- when I see pics with it, even I barely notice it. Still, at the time it might as well have been a helicopter landing pad when I looked in the mirror. I had it removed, and it made me happier and more self assured about my appearance. No shit.

    Sew away, try to avoid thinking about it, and it'll be over before you know it!!!

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  13. Many supportive vibes headed your way! Sewing can be such a stress reliever and allows me to stop noticing the constant stream of thought through my head and instead makes me focus on what is in front of me at the machine. So I say get sewing that pussy blouse and snicker at the name as much as possible. Best of luck for the big day *hugs*

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  14. Everytime I'm stressed I can't wait to get home to sew:)
    Good luck with the surgery, loving the print on the blouse:)

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  15. Good luck! I think that if it really was not the right thing to do, you would have already cancelled. I love that print! I'm working on a bird print dress right now, definitely playing an important stress-relief role for me!

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  16. I usually have an extra side project when I have a really busy/stressful costume design gig. You would think it would add to the stress and in a way it does, but I need a project that I have total control over, not my designs, which will always risk being changed by director/actor needs/play needs to my annoyance.
    It sounds to me like your anxiety stems from the fact that you didn't choose to get punched in the face, you didn't choose that scar - unlike if you'd intentionally gotten into a fight. It is a manifestation of your feelings of helplessness that it happened at all. So I say, go for it! And if it doesn't even disappear, like the doctor said it might not, at least you took some action. That alone should make you feel better.

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  17. Sending comforting and healing vibes your way. This post reminded me of how long I've been reading your brecalL think I recall readiNg about the "crackhead incident." I can appreciate your conflicting emotions - I firmly believe in honoring who we are on the inside and positive, accepting body image, no matter what others may see. However, here I sit in my 50s wearing orthodontic braces. While they will likely assist in oral health, they were definitely not required. Like you, I constantly heard, Oh, it's barely noticeable." In the end, it mattered enough to me to get the braces. I know your discernment carries with it the memory and emotions of that horrible act. Like others have said, I say go for it.
    Cynthia

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  18. Phew! Hang in there, ok?

    I checked that shirt fabric and it is on-grain. George of our cotton dept and I looked it over and discussed the problems you and Peter had with it. Turns out the fabric has a touch of Lycra in it, hence the slight wonkiness. George recommended blocking this fabric before cutting out your pattern, but quel pain, right? I probably wouldn't have blocked this fabric first either, but I am thinking about his suggestion with a new wonky fabric I just bought home. --Meg

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    1. Interesting! Can I admit that I don't know how to block...maybe a blog post idea for you?! I'd love to hear more.

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  19. I think Peter gave good advice. Any kind of surgery is difficult to prepare for, but I hope you go through with it. Conquering your fear could turn in to a great lesson and model for your daughter, too.

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  20. Wow. What a terrible thing to go through (being punched by a crackhead), and I completely understand the fear. I don't think there is a "right" or "wrong" way to tackle this, but (forgive me for saying this, all who disagree) you don't have a time limit. After all, it is cosmetic, right? Why not wait until you want to do something about it? The only voice that matters here is your own...

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  21. And yes, sewing is stress relief, escapism, and fantasy... all rolled into one!

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  22. It seems like you are taking a really courageous step to reclaim a part of yourself after it was forcefully taken away from you. That is a beautiful message to send to your daughter. If you feel like someone is starting to get judge-y about your surgery, you can just say, "I need to reclaim this piece of myself from the crackhead." Nobody is going to judge you wrongly for that.

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  23. Aw, crap... what a hard week. It's bad enough that this guy hijacked your memory, your confidence, and your courage-- he shouldn't get to hold power over your appearance, too. I say go for the surgery. It's not a vanity thing-- it's a very natural and healthy attempt to move on and move forward after an awful incident.

    Here's hoping all goes well (at the surgeon's and with the silk!) and that everything heals quickly and nicely.

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  24. I'm so sorry that such an awful thing happened to you and that you are still having anxiety about it. Having a visual reminder of a traumatic experience makes it difficult to overcome. I think that taking steps to help yourself heal both physically and emotionally from this is a very positive message to give your daughter - sometimes bad things happen for no good reason, but moving on and doing what we can to restore and care for ourselves is pretty central to the idea of loving oneself.

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  25. I totally know what you mean about sewing as a stress reliever. I used my "genome quilt" (the header on my blog) as a stress reliever while I was finishing my PhD. Knowing I had something enjoyable to do in my down time made the working time easier.

    Good luck on Friday, whether or not you have the surgery. I'm sure you'll make the decision that's right for you. I don't think it's vain to want to erase a reminder of a very unpleasant incident though, especially if it's where your eyes fall when you look in the mirror.

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  26. Good luck on Friday! we are all supporting you!! Sending lots of big hugs from Scotland!

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  27. If you're bothered by it, and it can be (somewhat) fixed then it's better to do it, and sooner rather than later. You are simply trying to put back what was there before, you shouldn't worry about the message that would send to your daughter, you're not getting botox or a facelift, and you would do the same for your daughter if she had suffered a trauma.

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  28. Just wanted to wish you all the best for today :)

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